so where are we with this? ...
well, charis is down to about 2 asks a day (for television), but still has limited ipad privileges (timed). she did watch a movie at a friends house last week while i was at Bible study, but hasn't watched anything at home with us. though we are planning a family outing saturday to see a movie at dragon's stadium with some friends. i'm liking this idea of severely limited tv for her. she's learning to play better on her own and is preferring to spend her time coloring and rolling out play-doh.
derek is derek. he doesn't really struggle with this stuff at all and is fine with never turning on the tv as long as he can still watch is woodworking videos on the computer.
me? well, i watched 1.5 episodes of "flashpoint" the other day while cleaning my room and folding laundry. i definitely kept the remote control close at hand and had to switch it off super fast when charis surprised me by opening my door. and i don't really feel guilty about watching that (though i did not want her to see me watching tv because then SHE'd want to watch tv)... we're probably going to cancel our cable (what little we have of it) and opt to continue with netflix and whatever hd we can pull down off the antenna. i'm discovering that i'm beyond the nervous need to turn on the tv...i don't need it for noise...i don't even have to have the radio on anymore. the silence isn't bothering me the way it used to.
but things are so much still the same.
i've been thinking a lot about discipline this past week after my last post...wondering what it means... is it what you do when no one is watching? what you do because you know you should, even though you don't want to? self denial? doing right when others would do wrong? doing things the right way instead of the easy way? patience? i suppose it's all of these.
if i've learned anything in life it's that when we follow God's prompting, the destination (and the journey) never looks like we expect it to. i didn't expect to be here. here is... disgusted at my utter lack of discipline in life in general, and overwhelmed at the prospective journey of becoming disciplined.
how does one go about becoming disciplined?
cs lewis writes in mere christianity that while we ought to love our neighbor, perhaps we don't want to...he suggests that we should pretend to love our neighbor -- do all the things outwardly we would do if we did -- and soon we will find that we actually DO love our neighbor. is this just hypocrisy? or can this type of attitude lead to change of heart? does it only work with people? (for example, i do know that praying for someone i don't like generally leads me to liking them)...but can i pretend i am disciplined, do all the things outwardly that make me appear to be disciplined, and find later that my heard has adapted to this new way of life? or must it begin in the heart?
i do feel that God prodded me to turn off the TV, turn off the facebook, etc...so that i could see that although i've always thought these temptations were the problem keeping me from Him...they in fact are not. they really are just distracting vices...while the real issue here is just discipline.
i have no idea how to get it. but i have a feeling it is not a destination, but a journey (thank you, ric hordinski for giving song to this thought), and one for which i cannot see the path. am i even capable, as a person, of changing this in myself? or do i really have to just let God do all the work here?
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